I remember growing up saying to myself I will meet the man of my dreams and we will ride off into the sunset. Unfortunately, I am still waiting for him. Where is he at though? Lol…But yes, at one point I thought that maybe, just maybe my standards were too high. And then I checked that thought at the door. Hell no! My standards are definitely not too damn high.
I am the type of woman that when I love I love very hard. But I also know my worth and once you realize that you will never settle again. I have dated a lot of guys in my years of living on this beautiful earth. I really have. I have also been engaged a few times and married once. I have met and dated all kind of guys. With dating comes experience and with experience comes even more maturity.
I have learned that everything happens for a reason and everyone comes into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. It is up to you to decide what shelf to put people on, especially the opposite sex. With each experience, you are supposed to learn something. You are also supposed to add or subtract to the what I want or do not want in a mate list.
I think the reason why I am attracted to old school love is because of how I was raised. I was raised in a single-family home since my dad passed away when I was almost 8 years old. My mom kept me extremely close since I was a female child. I was mostly around her friends etc. I grew up listening to Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding, Stephanie Mills, Loretta Lynn just to name a few. Although my dad died when I was young, I remembered how much he loved my mother and went out of his way to make her happy. He may have had issues being with just my mother but he worshipped the ground she walked on and my mother nor I didn’t need anything. Lets clear this up quickly before you get my words twisted. I am not looking for a man who can not be faithful. I just admired my dad for treating my mother and I like a queen.
I remember back in the day if a guy was interested in you they would go out of their way to show you how special you are to them. Then they would get to know you, court you the right way, do the dating thing, introduce you to his family and then take it to the next level. Nowadays, everything is communication via the internet or texting. What happened to falling asleep on the phone because neither one of you want to hang up the phone? What happened to guys being thoughtful by surprising you with cute little gestures like cards, teddy bears, love notes, just because flowers, spontaneity, keeping a smile on your face, men that could cook, clean but also isn’t afraid to tell you how he feels. Or what happened to the guys that just want to have fun with silly pillow fights or want to stay in and eat popcorn while we watch a movie? Or both of you just being silly for no reason enjoying each other’s company.
And what happened to loyalty and commitment? Another thing I have noticed is some guys are just not in tune with their masculinity anymore. I love to cuddle and rub my hands all over my man’s body. I have my moments where I may want to slap your butt. Shoot I even like to pinch it from time to time. It doesn’t matter where we are. And love making is nonexistent as well. It is rare to find a man who will take the time to learn your body in order to satisfy, please, tease, squeeze along with taking care of every curve, nook and crevice. What happened to waking up to breakfast in bed? What happened to picnics on the beach or in the park? Sponge baths and bubble baths? Full body massages? I mean, I could go on and on. This is why I am single and this is why I have hope that one day my soul mate will find me.
As I am writing this, I think that is another reason why I do not date men my age because they are still trying to get their lives together.
I guess I am complicated and will never find love. Every time I think I have found someone decent it just turns around and bites me on the ass. At this point, I sincerely feel as if I am the problem. I am the one who probably have this all wrong. I am the one who is looking for all of the wrong things. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am not worthy anymore of love. Maybe I am the issue. Sometimes I wish I could climb under a rock and disappear forever. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of it all. I guess all of the good ones are taken.
I am so misunderstood. Is it wrong to want to communicate with your partner all of the time? Is it wrong to want to hear your love’s voice or receive a text as soon as they wake up and go to sleep? Is it wrong for wanting to communicate all the time with your other half?
I love attention, affection, romance, feeling loved etc. This is just me. I love just because gifts and surprises. I love thoughtful gestures. Then I believe a woman isn’t supposed to ask a man for anything. It is his job to make sure she is good.